I am amazed each day at how much God loves me. I learn every day that God is more than the main character in an autobiography. He is alive and well and He loves and wants what is best for me.
A few years ago, I was down and depressed. I would lay in bed until Jared and Bob would come home, then I would get up and try to resemble somewhat of who I once was.
One day, I really, honestly had enough. Jared was married now and he was out of the house. It was just Bob and me. The pain was worse than it had ever been and it seemed noone was paying attention. In the meantime my daddy got really sick. He had fallen and broken his hip and laid there for several hours before he was found. During the hip stuff he ended up with a disease called Lewy Bodies. Lewy Bodies gave my dad a horrible death and he was gone in four short years.
One day I was lying in bed crying out to God. I honestly am not sure if I had gotten out of bed and dressed or even if I had the day before. I heard Him. He was talking to me.
"Who do you say that I am?" He asked me.
My reply was simple, "You’re my everything. My God.”
Then He asked a tough question. "Really? Are you acting like it?"
My answer was "No God, I am not."
Then I heard, “Start looking and acting like my child. I will give you the strength. I won't let you down."
"How God?” I asked.
"Get up, dress like you’re healed and take your picture. I will be your strength.”
He never has let me down and there have been a lot of hurdles. March of this year was probably the biggest and this is probably the one where I felt God the strongest.
I had been sent for an MRI of the brain due to some sleep-walking, out of my head, I don't remember the day episodes. Bob was not able to leave me some days and some days I ended up in the ER. Everyone was giving me a different reason as to why.
We were at the doctor’s having some more tests done when he decided to bring up the MRI and look at it on the computer.
"Oh My.” he said, "Where is your brain, lady?"
He got all excited telling me how little my brain was. He then proceeded to tell me I had early dementia and he thought I possibly had what my dad had had. I was laying on a cot and he was doing a nerve test and he kept going on and on about my brain. I wept. Out of all the things that I have had to have done, out of all I have been told was wrong, this hit me the hardest. He asked me to bring another MRI so he could compare them. He was going to go over all the tests and I was to come back on Good Friday and he would tell me where we needed to go from here.
The first thing I thought about was that I had not shared what God has done in my life with enough people. I had not told of his love. I had not told them how when you are hurt to the core and your life is falling apart, that He is there holding you. I had not told enough people. I told God. I asked Him to forgive me.
That month was the longest month of my life. As it grew closer Bob had told me I had an Easter present coming. Then he told me he had checked on it and the Easter present would not be in until after Easter. I had no idea what it could be.
Once, when I got up, got dressed and put on my makeup, I had taken a picture and he had put it on his desktop at work. Good Friday, the day we were to find out what all of this meant, got here and a package came and I checked the mail and there was a box. Bob said let me check it first. I went and finished getting ready to go and when I came back I opened it. He had taken one of my pictures and ordered a canvas of it. I felt like I had been given the rainbow. God had promised me if I would not give up, He would not leave me. He told me if I dressed like He was the lifter of my head He would always be there with me. Now He has sent me my "rainbow”. What an amazing God we serve and oh how He loves me. I thank my husband for listening to God and for being right beside me these past few years.
In case your wondering, there was no sign of early dementia, the previous MRI"s showed the same thing. He thinks I was born that way and that my body adapted. God is good all the time God is good.
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