My Rainbow

 I am amazed each day at how much God loves me. I learn every day that God is more than the main character in an autobiography.  He is alive and well and He loves and wants what is best for me.  

  A few years ago, I was down and depressed. I would lay in bed until Jared and Bob would come home, then I would get up and try to resemble somewhat of who I once was.  

 One day, I really, honestly had enough.  Jared was married now and he was out of the house. It was just Bob and me. The pain was worse than it had ever been and it seemed noone was paying attention. In the meantime my daddy got really sick. He had fallen and broken his hip and laid there for several hours before he was found. During the hip stuff he ended up with a disease called Lewy Bodies. Lewy Bodies gave my dad a horrible death and he was gone in four short years.

 One day I was lying in bed crying out to God.  I honestly am not sure if I had gotten out of bed and dressed or even if I had the day before. I heard Him. He was talking to me.

"Who do you say that I am?" He asked me.  

My reply was simple, "You’re my everything. My God.”  

Then He asked a tough question. "Really? Are you acting like it?"

My answer was "No God, I am not."  

Then I heard, “Start looking and acting like my child. I will give you the strength. I won't let you down."  

"How God?” I asked.  

"Get up, dress like you’re healed and take your picture. I will be your strength.” 

 He never has let me down and there have been a lot of hurdles.  March of this year was probably the biggest and this is probably the one where I felt God the strongest. 

 I had been sent for an MRI of the brain due to some sleep-walking, out of my head, I don't remember the day episodes. Bob was not able to leave me some days and some days I ended up in the ER. Everyone was giving me a different reason as to why.  

 We were at the doctor’s having some more tests done when he decided to bring up the MRI and look at it on the computer.

"Oh My.” he said, "Where is your brain, lady?"  

 He got all excited telling me how little my brain was. He then proceeded to tell me I had early dementia and he thought I possibly had what my dad had had. I was laying on a cot and he was doing a nerve test and he kept going on and on about my brain. I wept. Out of all the things that I have had to have done, out of all I have been told was wrong, this hit me the hardest. He asked me to bring another MRI so he could compare them. He was going to go over all the tests and I was to come back on Good Friday and he would tell me where we needed to go from here.  

 The first thing I thought about was that I had not shared what God has done in my life with enough people. I had not told of his love. I had not told them how when you are hurt to the core and your life is falling apart, that He is there holding you. I had not told enough people. I told God. I asked Him to forgive me.  

 That month was the longest month of my life. As it grew closer Bob had told me I had an Easter present coming. Then he told me he had checked on it and the Easter present would not be in until after Easter. I had no idea what it could be.  

 Once, when I got up, got dressed and put on my makeup, I had taken a picture and he had put it on his desktop at work.  Good Friday, the day we were to find out what all of this meant, got here and a package came and I checked the mail and there was a box.   Bob said let me check it first. I went and finished getting ready to go and when I came back I opened it. He had taken one of my pictures and ordered a canvas of it. I felt like I had been given the rainbow. God had promised me if I would not give up, He would not leave me. He told me if I dressed like He was the lifter of my head He would always be there with me. Now He has sent me my "rainbow”.  What an amazing God we serve and oh how He loves me. I thank my husband for listening to God and for being right beside me these past few years.  

In case your wondering, there was no sign of early dementia, the previous MRI"s  showed  the same thing.  He thinks I was born that way and that my body adapted.  God is good all the time God is good.

Here I am Lord, Let me.

When I was a little girl my uncle served in Vietnam.  I remember parts of that very vividly.  We would bake cookies and send him care packages. I remember one day mom being distraught because they had bomb my Uncle’s barracks.  He was away on maneuvers but it was a while before we knew whether he had been in the barracks or not.  I remember that they broke in and stole all his pictures of things back home, like of his wife and his mom and of us.  

We have had many missionaries come and speak at our church and they all have touched my heart greatly, but one stands out.  There was a gentleman from my own church that went to Vietnam.  He showed us things there and it really touched my heart.  

He showed us houses called orphanages that can be built for 1,900 dollars and they would house an orphan and give them an opportunity to go to a Bible believing church and to get an education.  This has so touched me.  

It is my hearts desire to get into a position or shape, financially, health wise and freedom wise to be able to accept anything the Lord would have me to do.  I am not sure I will ever see foreign soil, but I want to be ready if the Lord should call me to do that.  

I once heard some one say we needed to be baskets.  So I looked up the uses of different baskets in the Bible.  

In Genesis they were in the dreams of Pharaoh’s butler and chief baker and Joseph’s used them when he interpreted the dream.  They symbolized days in the dreams.  

In Exodus, Moses was hid in a basket to keep him safe.

Baskets were used to gather the food left over in the feeding the multitude.

Baskets were also used to separate the good and the bad fruit.  What kind of fruit are we baring.   Jeremiah 24:1-3.

My mother in law used to collect baskets.  The had no purpose but to put it on the shelf and look pretty.  Some Christians are like that.  

They come in and take their seat on the pew and they smile and look pretty.  

I don’t want to be a “show” basket.  I want to help people, I want to serve people and, in doing that, serve God.  

But before our baskets can do any good they need to be empty.  A basket full of the wrong things can do little good for anyone.

What ever God has in store for me, I want to be ready.  My basket has some things that are old and need to be thrown out.  My basket contains some hurts that I have held on to and I need to let go.  My basket contains some guilt for things which I have long been forgiven for.  So I am cleaning my basket to be available when He says, go there and take some food, or go give someone a ride, or help a missionary passing through.  I just want to be ready to say "Yes Lord here I am, let me”.

Written March 17, 2013   Then two became one,, dying to self

Thursday, I was having a good day and I decided to make chicken and dumplings and take some to my mother. She had been feeling poorly with the crud going around. When I decided to do this my chicken was in the freezer frozen hard as a rock and I wanted her to have them for lunch with some extra for another meal. I took out the frozen chicken and put a bowl of salt water in my sink and put the chicken in and kept changing the water until the chicken was thawed. My mind raced back to a childhood memory of me doing this same thing at another sink some 30 years ago.

I spent a lot of time with my grandma Roberts. She was a real “June Cleaver” her whole world centered around her family. She was the type that the house was spotless and supper was waiting for Granddaddy when he got home. She never complained about her house work or doing for her husband.

. My granddaddy had came home from work and grandma had fixed country fried steak. Granddaddy came in and said, “I was hoping we were having fried chicken.” “I have been thinking about Fried Chicken all day.”...

He went to the barn to feed, he always came home and put on coveralls and boots and left his lunch box and he let grandma know he was o.k. He was normally at the barn about 45 minutes.

Next thing I know is the steak is being covered and put away and I am given a whole chicken out of the freezer. It was hard as a rock.. She hands me salt and a bowl.

I am standing there thawing the chicken doing as she said to rub salt on him (or her) and I asked “ Why are you doing this, why not let him have steak.” Her response “He wants chicken.” My teenage brain and mouth going “So, but you fixed steak.” Her.. “it will make us a nice lunch tomorrow.” No aggravation no resentment, no he don't appreciate me in her voice. I said, “Can't he have chicken tomorrow?” She looked at me and said, “Sister, what if he don't walk through that door tomorrow?” “All he wants is chicken.”.

She said don't let your choices today be your regrets of tomorrow with the people you love. She told m this story of her mom wanting a pecan pie with no pecans, she couldn't eat them but she wanted the pie with out them. She died before grandma did it. She thought it was a silly request. That choice became one of her regrets.

We got that chicken thawed and it was in the pan frying when granddaddy got home. The smile he had was worth all the trouble of thawing a chicken. Such a simple act but such a great act of Love..

Granddaddy passed away two years before grandma of complications of Leukemia. Grandma joined her love 25 years ago today.. She still is touching my life and teaching me...

We all make choices we regret it is part of learning and growing. Some though are us just not dying to self. Let us all remember we are suppose to love as Christ loves us and He laid down His life for us. Mr. and Mrs.  Roberts laid down their lives for each other... I am proud to say I was their granddaughter.

Christmas' Past.

Close to ten years ago I lost a wonderful person that God had put in my life.  She knew me more then many of my blood relatives and when I said she knew me I mean she knew me.  She knew my likes and my dislikes, she knew that my kitchen was done in apples and that I loved sweaters, and the reason why I loved them.  She knew I felt like I was always being hugged when I wore a sweater and she knew why I liked that feeling.  She knew I hid my teeth when I smile or laughed because I was ashamed of them.  She taught me how to make those chocolate no bake cookies because her son loved them.  She knew every year without fail that I would call for her buckeye recipe because I could not keep up with it from one year to the next.  She is why I have such love for my daughter in law, because this women taught me how to love a daughter in law like your own daughter, because that was how she loved me.   Now let me say this love did not happen immediately.  They were a lot of fights and fusses. She didn't like me very much at all at first - I was taking away her little boy.  I remember the first time he chose to do something my family was doing, instead of something she had planned.  She told me "I had always prayed he would marry an orphan." Yet we grew to love each other andnow I miss her so much... Christmas was her time.  She loved it... She was a huge kid at Christmas time.  She loved to buy a present that was unique and make people guess what it was.. You had to not guess it right away because she would think she had not bought a hard enough gift.  She never put names on gifts - she just knew who they belonged to.. She did this so that even her thirty something kids would shake and try and guess what was in the boxes.  She didn't care what you got her because  she just wanted you and she wanted to play games and eat and have fun and laugh... She loved to laugh, she loved to love and she loved to live... I miss you mom Myra...  You proved with out a doubt you were the glue that held your family together... I will never forget that day and never forget that call.. You took a part of me with you that day... I still have the big red sweater and I have kept you that promise I am still taking care of your little boy.  Your grandson has married a girl you would LOVE, and on Saturday he graduates from College... You would be so proud... I love you... I miss you.. Christmas will never be the same... Some 4 years later:  Oh how I still miss you.  You have a great grandson now, he will be a year old Sunday.  You would love him.  Jared and Audra both have graduated college with honors, have jobs teaching,  bought a house, and have Carter Joe.  I often look at him and hurt for you to know him. Memories are both good and bad, happy and sad... it is our choice how we see them.

Be still even if the storm is raging.

Often I quote the verse "Be Still and Know I am God."  Psalms 46:10.  We say and we think we mean it but I ask you just one question, in this day and time with the two income families and the schedules of rustle and bustle when are we ever still?

We collapse into bed we mumble our bed time prayers and we fall asleep in the middle of bless the Pastor, bless Aunt Betty, and Uncle Bill and zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

I was singing a song to Jesus one day ... It goes something like this Hold me Jesus I am shaking like a leaf You are my King of Glory won't You be my Prince of Peace.... I hear Abba say Hold You?  You can't even sit down and rest with out doing something.  When are you still enough to be Held???

In Psalms 23 did you ever notice David didn't say I joyfully lie down in the green pasture....I gladly rest beside the still water while my Savior refreshes my soul???    It says ² He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.

I think David was a lot like us... He went around be bopping along about HIS business until God said David have a rest let's chat for a while... What if we touch God with our praise each morning instead of begging God to touch us when we need it after we have put Him on the back burner for so long.  

What if we put on our calendar one  hour a day be still and talk to Abba... We could space it out in 15 minute blocks so we can make sure we fellowship all day with the Father.  I am going to try it as my challenge to myself for the coming year.  You may say You don't have a job your son is grown it is easy for you to do...  Well you will be surprised what I can find to do other then just to sit...to rest.. to listen.. to fellowship....If I talked to my provider, my healer, my Savior as much as I spent playing face book games, I probably would be healed and out of debt by now.  He put us first... shouldn't we at least give Him some time with out needing anything but to touch His heart...